First, let’s really outline what we imply once we discuss compatibility: “Compatibility is a natural, effortless way of relating to another person and feeling a connection,” licensed {couples}’ therapist Racine Henry, Ph.D., LMFT, just lately informed mbg. It isn’t essential to be related to be suitable, she notes, and actually compatibility usually stems from two folks having a mechanism for coping with battle within the areas by which they differ.
“Compatibility in a relationship stems from there being a complementary relationship,” she explains—however that is additionally the place issues get tough.
According to Henry, simply because two persons are suitable or have traits that complement one another “doesn’t always mean it is a healthy or positive complementarity.” Sometimes two folks complement one another in ways in which will not be in a single or each folks’s finest pursuits.
For instance, she says, “There may be someone domineering who finds a partner that is passive.” This will in all probability assist the 2 of them transfer by way of conflicts—the domineering particular person will merely stroll over the passive particular person, who in flip will acquiesce and associate with their accomplice’s choices. This means the connection may have the ability to final—nevertheless it doesn’t essentially imply it ought to.
There are many examples of unhealthy compatibility: Narcissists usually search out echoists, their self-effacing opposites, who they will extra simply benefit from. An individual who doesn’t give so much in relationships may do nice with somebody who doesn’t ask for lots, masking the previous’s selfishness and the latter’s abandonment points.