To the particular person on the receiving finish of the silent therapy, the consequences can completely be hurtful and even detrimental to the connection, relying on how extreme the therapy.
Page cites analysis referred to as the “still-face experiment1,” for instance, wherein moms gave toddlers impassive reactions and silence for an prolonged time period. In this experiment, he says, the infants make fixed bids for connection. They strive, it does not work, and the infants freak out and begin crying. And ultimately, they withdraw and pull into themselves.
“If you wish to perceive the consequences of the deep silence, that is form of what we create with it,” Page explains, including that there is a motive solitary confinement is taken into account the worst punishment in jail.
In relationships between adults, he says, regardless of the rationale behind the habits, the particular person on the receiving finish goes to really feel dejected, remoted, offended, and/or confused. “Extreme silent therapy is unequivocally a type of abuse,” he provides, noting that even subtler types can nonetheless be dangerous to the connection.
And for what it is value, Page provides, {couples} who’ve a “low threshold for permitting battle” (aka they might quite speak issues out than let issues fester) are literally happier of their relationships than {couples} with the next threshold for battle (aka they “let issues go,” aka ignore issues).
“We usually defer to silence and avoidance as a technique to protect the connection—but it surely really does precisely the other—and the opposite particular person experiences your silence as absence and avoidance,” Page explains.