Eight months after The Wanted star Tom Parker died of mind most cancers, his spouse Kelsey reveals her ongoing expertise of grief, and the bodily and psychological problem that can supply a possibility for contemplation and therapeutic
The weekend earlier than her interview with Happiful, actress and influencer Kelsey Parker was a visitor at a marriage the place she unexpectedly discovered herself sidelined by different company.
“No one wanted to talk to me,” explains Kelsey. “People don’t know what to say to me, so they say nothing at all. I tried to speak to people that I hadn’t seen for a while, but after the ‘How are you?’ nobody wanted to take the conversation further.”
For the uninitiated, that dialog is grief. And, in line with Kelsey, the widow of singer and The Wanted star Tom Parker who died in March on the age of 33, after an 18-month battle with mind most cancers, it’s time all of us did higher at talking out about life after loss.
“I’m coping with my grief by speaking about it, but in the UK we just don’t talk honestly and openly about grief, death, and everything else associated with these painful experiences. These are realities that will one day affect us all,” says Kelsey, who has made a six-part ITVBe miniseries about grief, which airs this month. Welcoming cameras into the south London dwelling she as soon as shared with Tom and their youngsters Aurelia, three, and Bodhi, two, and being filmed as she explored alternative routes to navigate grief was, says Kelsey, “hugely healing”.
As effectively as visiting a dying cafe the place individuals drink tea, eat cake, and focus on dying, she tried grief yoga, the place actions and respiration strategies assist individuals course of their emotions. She additionally met with members of Widowed And Young, a nationwide charity for people who find themselves aged 50 or underneath when their associate dies.
“It’s shocking, isn’t it? I’m 32 and I’m a widow,” sighs Kelsey. “Although my friends are amazing, they can’t truly relate to me because they’ve not lost their partner, so I really enjoyed meeting with the WAY members because they truly understood where I was coming from, and that was lovely.”
With this in thoughts, you’ll be able to sense the enchantment of one other exercise that Kelsey is embarking on as a part of her life journey post-Tom.
Alongside her shut pal, actress and podcaster Giovanna Fletcher, TOWIE star Pete Wicks, and TV character Vicky Pattison, final month Kelsey trekked 100km throughout the Sahara in help of breast most cancers consciousness charity, CoppaFeel!
Flanked by 100 CoppaFeel! supporters, the crew hiked for 10 hours every day by Morocco’s unforgiving panorama, a gruelling problem that may intimidate most. But not Kelsey.
From the day he was recognized with an inoperable grade 4 glioblastoma tumour in October 2020, throughout his 60 periods of chemotherapy and radiotherapy, and till the day he died simply hours after mendacity beside Kelsey and putting his platinum marriage ceremony ring on her finger, Tom by no means overpassed hope. And now Kelsey says she is channelling her husband’s power to finish the most important bodily problem of her life.
“Nothing can be harder than what Tom faced during those 18 months,” she says, including that she at all times admired his steadfastness underneath strain.
“Tom had such a good mindset. He threw himself down mountains on ITV’s The Jump, and when he took part in MasterChef, he became a chef. Whatever the challenge, he always took on the task, and that’s what I’ve got to do. Get to the Sahara… and take on the task.”
Having hit the gymnasium and packed in reformer pilates lessons to bodily put together for the trek, Kelsey is gearing herself up emotionally, and in addition to trying ahead to sharing “deep conversation” along with her teammates, she is prepared for deep moments of quiet reflection.
Last month, Kelsey Parker took half in CoppaTrek! within the Sahara to lift very important funds and consciousness for breast most cancers charity, CoppaFeel!, proudly sponsored by Regatta Great Outdoors. To discover ways to test your chest, head over to the ‘Self Checkout’ web page on coppafeel.org
“It’s going to be a good, healing place for me,” says Kelsey. “There are issues I must let go of, issues I’m nonetheless punishing myself for. I’ll assume, ‘Why didn’t I do this for Tom? I ought to have carried out this,’ although I do know deep down there was nothing extra I may have carried out. I suppose it’s human nature to torment your self with what ifs and self-blame.
“But the past two years have made me realise how strong I actually am, and that is a big motivator for getting through the trek. This experience has taught me so much. Oh my god…” Kelsey momentarily pauses.
“That’s so weird,” she continues. “A feather literally just fell on my car as we’re talking.”
Before Tom died, he promised to ship Kelsey ‘signs’ of his presence. Minutes after he handed away at St Christopher’s Hospice in south London, a white feather fell from the sky onto a bench the place Kelsey was silently weeping.
Recently, Kelsey says two framed photos of the kids have fallen to her bed room flooring.
“It doesn’t scare me. Thomas Parker never wanted to leave so I know he’s going to be hanging around, watching what I’m doing and guiding me. That’s hugely comforting,” she says, including that though she has not had bereavement counselling, her personal non secular beliefs and deep conversations with a spiritualist pal are serving to her “reach a place of healing”.
As for the kids, Kelsey believes in talking “with honesty” to Aurelia – and, in time, Bodhi – about their father’s passing, and all of the feelings related to that loss.
“I don’t want them to ever look back and feel I’ve lied to them about anything because I’ve shielded them,” says Kelsey. “In the start, I defined Tom’s situation to Aurelia as ‘daddy’s received a foul head’, however now she’s a bit older, she’s overheard me speaking about his mind tumour and now makes use of that terminology.
“At my friends’ wedding, she was a bridesmaid and had a picture of Tom on her bouquet. In the car on the way to the church, she was saying, ‘That’s my dad. He’s dead. He died of a brain tumour. He’s with The Queen now.’ The father of the bride was in tears.”
For all of the decline that she witnessed throughout his final 18 months, Kelsey now principally remembers solely pre-cancer Tom.
“I consider the Tom earlier than who would rock right into a room along with his quiff, going, ‘Alright!’ He was such a power, and I really feel blessed to have shared such a closeness to him.
“We were so connected, it was like Tom had a radar to see where I was. Somehow, wherever I was, he’d turn up for half an hour, stop for a bit of lunch or dinner, then go off to the studio, and then pop up again. Even now in spirit, I feel he’s doing that. I know he will never leave me.”
Photography | Archive by Ryan courtesy of S Creative