Is Toxic Positivity Negatively Impacting Your Health?

Mindset is a important, typically neglected element of well being — particularly as we be taught to view well being past outward look. Ditching destructive ideas is an effective first step, however changing them with a “good vibes only” mentality may be equally detrimental, a way of thinking referred to more and more as poisonous positivity.

A wholesale rejection of negativity in all its varieties, poisonous positivity can inadvertently invalidate emotions and experiences — and make individuals really feel like they’re failing or doing one thing flawed, explains Dr. Nicole Lacherza-Drew, Psy.D., a licensed psychologist and proprietor of Vici Psychological Care.

“There aren’t always going to be positives, and that’s OK,” she says.

Read on for real-life examples of poisonous optimism, warning indicators to search for — and recommendations on how one can keep away from giving or receiving it.

What Is Toxic Positivity?

Toxic positivity refers to the concept we have to see the intense aspect of each state of affairs irrespective of how dangerous, difficult, or missing in vibrant sides it may be. (A traditional instance is the “this is fine” meme.)

The harmful results of negativity are properly documented. Not solely is it a downer by definition, it can hamper cognitive perform and cloud our judgment, impairing our capacity to carry out situationally.

But forcing positivity could make a state of affairs worse, particularly one we’ve the facility to alter.

“Toxic positivity is basically the idea that no matter what happens or what the outcome is, one should have a positive mindset or try to find the positive in the situation or outcome,” Lacherza-Drew says.

While this appears preferable to beating your self up over errors and setbacks, “toxic positivity can be considered a form of gaslighting,” she provides.

7 Relatable, Real-Life Toxic Positivity Examples

How many of those conditions sound acquainted?

1. You’re speaking along with your buddy about your horrible boss and profess that you simply’re determined for a brand new job. She responds with one thing like “you should just be glad for what you have.”
2. You open up to your mother-in-law that you simply’re struggling to get pregnant. Her response? “Everything happens for a reason.”
3. You inform your co-worker that your associate obtained scary well being information. They say, “it could be worse.”
4. You’re taking a course and may’t perceive a key idea. When you discuss to your teacher, he says, “Just stay positive. You’ll get it!”
5. You lose your loved one pet when you’re away on a enterprise journey — then your flight house is canceled. The airline agent says, “God only gives us what we can handle.”
6. You’re midway via your first 60-minute class at a neighborhood biking studio. You’re not feeling robust sufficient so as to add extra resistance, so that you say one thing snarky and humorous to your teacher. She says, “Positive vibes only here! No complaining!”
7. Your youngsters are out sick once more, and also you’re working from dwelling whereas making an attempt to not catch their germs. The home is a multitude and also you’re exhausted. You inform your sister that you simply’re feeling overwhelmed. Her recommendation? “But on the bright side, you get to work in sweatpants!”

What’s Wrong with Toxic Positivity?

What’s flawed with these eventualities — and why shouldn’t you attempt to give individuals a little bit increase once they’re feeling down? While they appear useful, “they are not effective at helping an individual work through their emotions and come out of it in a better place,” explains Kalley Hartman, LMFT, a licensed marriage and household therapist in Newport Beach, California.

Instead of serving to you keep motivated, domesticate a more healthy self-image, and develop as an individual, poisonous positivity retains you beholden to inconceivable requirements of accomplishment and success. Here’s how senseless positivity harms your well being:

Prevents you from coping with your emotions

Not solely does poisonous positivity stop you from coping with feelings, it additionally “creates a false sense of happiness that relies on denying or ignoring certain aspects of reality,” Hartman says. That can result in additional points down the road.

Keeps you from rising as an individual

And, she provides, “when we are constantly pushing away our uncomfortable feelings, it makes it harder for us to learn from our experiences and grow.” This makes it really feel such as you’re in Groundhog Day, making the identical errors time and again.

“This attitude can make people feel like they’re not allowed to express their negative feelings, which can lead to feelings of shame and guilt,” provides Candace Kotkin-De Carvalho, LSW, LCADC, CCS, CCTP.

Can delay your struggling

You would possibly discover your sense of actuality shift, as you begin to really feel just like the dangerous issues are all of your fault.

“This can be especially damaging when it prevents people from seeking help, as they may feel like their problems are too insignificant or not worth addressing,” Kotkin-De Carvalho says.

Can make you’re feeling like a failure

If you’re surrounded by individuals who’ve purchased into “Lucky Girl Syndrome,” you would possibly (wrongly) really feel such as you’re falling quick, Lacherza-Drew says. “They may believe they are doing something wrong or something is wrong with them.”

Toxic Positivity Vs. Optimism: What’s the Difference?

According to Hartman, poisonous positivity “involves denying or ignoring difficult emotions, while optimism involves maintaining a positive outlook in the face of adversity.”

Further, “toxic positivity often has the effect of invalidating another person’s feelings or experiences, while optimism is used to motivate and encourage people,” she says.

The sensible variations between optimism and poisonous positivity can seem nuanced at first, however they turn into clearer with observe.

Say you’re having a troublesome time. You misplaced your job or hit a tough patch along with your associate. You go to a trusted buddy for recommendation.

Optimism seems like: “I am so sorry you’re dealing with this, friend. I know it’s hard right now. You can be honest about how you’re feeling, and then maybe we can make a list of some good things happening or think of some ways I can help.”

Toxic positivity reveals up as: “I am so sorry you’re dealing with this, friend. But you are strong and resilient, and you have survived 100 percent of your bad days until now. You just have to keep your chin up and manifest the outcome you want. Don’t even think about the ‘what-ifs’! You’ve got this!”

While well-intentioned, the toxically optimistic response can do as a lot — if no more — hurt because it does good, answering hardship with hokum and minimizing the seriousness of the state of affairs to the one experiencing it.

Focusing as an alternative on Health Esteem means appreciating ourselves as we’re proper now, whereas acknowledging that we’ve targets and a want to alter. It’s a wholesome steadiness of optimism and motivation.

10 Warning Signs of Toxic Positivity

Here are warning indicators to search for (from others or your self):

1. You really feel shamed for sharing how you’re feeling.
2. They received’t allow you to complain or be trustworthy about your emotions.
3. You disguise your true emotions — particularly on social media.
4. They inform you to be optimistic, manifest, or imagine in your self extra.
5. You solely share feel-good quotes and mantras.
6. They attempt to discover the silver lining as an alternative of acknowledging your state of affairs.
7. You are advised to be grateful and cease complaining.
8. They inform you to not kill the vibe with negativity.
9. You ask for assist they usually share a Pinterest quote.
10. They inform you to recover from it or snort issues off when difficulties come up.

How to Avoid Toxic Positivity

You can practice your self to note and keep away from poisonous positivity the identical method you do different habits. It begins with self-awareness, Kotkin-De Carvalho says.

“Be aware of your own thoughts and feelings, and pay attention to how you communicate them.” Being aware of the phrases you employ — and the way they could be obtained — may help, she says.

This is simpler to do while you’re writing, so begin along with your texts, DMs and emails. Take a deep breath and skim them once more earlier than hitting ship.

Self-reflection may help you notice poisonous ideas, phrases and actions, Hartman says. Once you be taught to acknowledge these pink flags, you may reframe them. Avoiding the “toxpos” rabbit gap means slowing down and taking some “me time,” provides Lacherza-Drew.

“We are human beings — not every day or every feeling is going to be good or positive. Realizing that helps diminish toxic positivity,” she says.

Mindfulness workouts, journaling, and posting sticky-note reminders the place you’ll see them may also preserve you out of the positivity lure.

How are you able to keep away from spreading unwelcome good vibes? Just hear, Kotkin-De Carvalho says.

“Not everyone you encounter requires a solution, and sometimes it’s best to just be there for them, listen, and offer support.”

How to Deal With a Toxically Positive Person

The primary technique to cope with a toxically optimistic particular person? One phrase: Boundaries. Let them know their habits isn’t cool with you, and do what you may to take care of your individual psychological wellbeing.

Remember you could’t management another person’s habits — solely your response(s), Lacherza-Drew says. You might must keep away from sure matters, depart the room, change the topic, or restrict the time you spend with somebody.

If you’re up for it, “provide a gentle reminder that everyone experiences negative emotions at times” suggests Kotkin-De Carvalho. Remind them that powerful stuff is regular. “Let them know that you’re here for them and that it’s OK to talk about difficult topics without judgment.”