A very good listener is ready to be completely current and targeted whereas the opposite individual is speaking. “We can be present by listening and resisting the temptation to interpret, assume, predict, or come up with a reply while the person is still talking,” licensed therapist Steph Tuazon, LCSW, not too long ago informed mbg.
To Tuazon’s level, you may inform you’re not really listening to the opposite individual if, whereas they’re speaking, you’re additionally enthusiastic about what you need to say in response. If you’re in your head analyzing their phrases as they’re nonetheless talking—or worse, attempting to interrupt them to insert your personal feedback—that’s an enormous signal that you simply’re not listening nicely.
Why? Because your focus is definitely on getting your personal level throughout (or proving your level proper, or proving your associate’s level improper), reasonably than really understanding what’s being stated to you, and ensuring the speaker feels understood—the most important marks of a great listener.
To know in case you actually perceive your associate’s level, Tuazon suggests attempting repeating again what you heard proper after they completed talking. If you may’t repeat what they stated precisely, then you definitely weren’t really listening.
Another nice take a look at for you: After a tense dialog or argument together with your associate (or whoever), see in case you can precisely clarify their perspective to a different individual—importantly, with out your judgment, interpretation, or opinions inserted into it. Why have been they upset? What did they really say in response to particular belongings you introduced up?
“Not being present in a conversation can look like missing a whole conversation,” she notes. If you may’t actually give a play-by-play of their facet of the dialog, that’s a transparent signal that you simply didn’t actually perceive or internalize what they stated—in different phrases, your listening abilities might most likely use some work.