If you have ever discovered your self getting defensive with a associate, this would possibly sound all too acquainted: Your associate has an issue with one thing you probably did, and earlier than you contemplate how they’re feeling, your first knee-jerk response is to defend your self.
But in keeping with licensed {couples}’ counselor Jessa Zimmerman, M.A., CST, whereas all of us have a sure capability and drive to defend ourselves, this sort of response can wind up spelling extra hassle in your relationship.
As she beforehand informed mindbodygreen, as a substitute of leaping to your individual protection, “Listen to what they’re saying, and just remember to perceive it, from their perspective,” including to not cease “till you may get of their sneakers and see it from their worldview.”
And the important thing, after all, is to do that earlier than you begin establishing your response, she explains, with a objective to actually perceive why they’re upset. “That doesn’t suggest you agree with them, however you’ll be able to see the state of affairs by means of their eyes. Then you’ll be able to proceed to speak the way you see it,” she provides.