There is a brand new kind of Guy.
There’s at all times a brand new style of Guy. Historically, however particularly up to now 5 years, males have begun to coagulate — merge, if you’ll — round singular, unified identities that bond them in areas each actual and digital.
We have Video Game Guys. Craft Beer Guys. Reddit Guys and Jiujitsu Guys. We even have [shudder] Hat Guys. An infinite procession of… Guys. More just lately, in 2022, we had been launched to Wife Guys.
Now, I’d wish to introduce you to the ultimate boss of Guys: Ice Bath Guys.
If you’ve got spent any time on social media, notably Instagram or TikTookay, you’ll have seen this Guy in his pure habitat. At 4 a.m., he emerges from his cave. He stands — often semi-naked — subsequent to a bathtub, or a bucket, or an overpriced barrel packed full with ice and water. He units up his digital camera, as a result of they at all times have a digital camera. He makes communion with this digital camera, in platitudes, concerning the grind, about profitable the day, about combating his base instincts to not get up early and partake in unhinged behaviors.
Then he plunges — totally submerged within the ice water, shivering as he vomits out extra platitudes. “Comfort is your enemy” or “callus your thoughts.” That kind of factor.
The Ice Bath Guy has overcome his demons, he has turn out to be stronger, he’s higher, he’s recovering sooner, he’s feeling good, he’s the grasp of his area and his thoughts as a result of he has — at this ungodly hour — clambered clumsily into this chilly physique of water and remained nonetheless for a particular time period.
He has turn out to be the Ultimate Guy. The Ice Bath Guy.
For one weird, unforgettable day, I grew to become an Ice Bath Guy too.
Please enable me to clarify.
It all began with chilly showers. A chilly bathe problem was my gateway drug. For the whole lot of 2022, I used to be a Cold Shower Guy. For 12 straight months, I deserted heat water and took nothing however chilly showers. Why? I’m nonetheless not fully certain. It was an impulse factor, a short lived mind illness from which I’ve since recovered. My inside monologue instructed chilly showers had been a good suggestion and I went with it. Months later, I’m nonetheless undecided it was worthwhile.
My buddies began jokingly calling me Wim Hof — after the Dutch motivational speaker, well-known the world over for his intense, ice-related endurance challenges.
So in March this 12 months, when Hof — aka The Iceman — arrived in my residence metropolis of Sydney to ship a sequence of clinics, those self same buddies thought it might be humorous (and considerate) to purchase me a ticket. A go to an ice tub seminar, hosted by Hof himself.
Like a shivering, confused Pokemon, I used to be about to evolve from an itty-bitty Cold Shower Guy… to a full-blown Ice Bath Guy.
Iceman
Yep, that is the Sydney Harbour Bridge within the background.
Based in Sydney, inside strolling distance of the Harbour Bridge, Luna Park is sort of a Six Flags stripped again by an element of 10.
It’s a low-rent theme park, a grotesque assortment of points of interest and warped checks of talent. An establishment that holds a good quantity of nostalgia for Australians above a sure age. But in 2023, it is a warped anachronism for a unique place and time, the place hucksters and carnies reigned supreme. It additionally — bizarrely — repeatedly performs host to enterprise conventions and motivational audio system.
Here, on a boiling Friday afternoon, Hof is within the means of delivering a “security briefing,” pacing frantically forwards and backwards in entrance of a crowd of tons of, making fart jokes, screaming issues like “we will change the world.”
Hof is 63 years outdated. He’s just a little extra regular than I anticipated. Well, he’s, and he is not.
Unlike the TikTookay influencers who climb into ice baths at 4 a.m, Hof is not ripped or shredded. He’s brief and stumpy, with scraggly hair and an unkempt beard. Bearing an ill-fitting T-shirt and flip-flops, he does not appear like a motivational speaker — he seems to be like an Aussie bloke grabbing a sausage roll at his native gasoline station.
He’s additionally bonkers. In a great way, I believe.
“The ice is your mirror,” he says, mysteriously.
The ice is your mirror… rattling.
I discovered myself swept away with the gang. “Yeah!” I started pondering to myself. “Ice is sorta reflective. Maybe it may be a mirror, proper guys? Maybe we can change the world by climbing into an especially chilly physique of water.”
Hof simply has that vibe.
“See you on the Ice Baths,” he shouted. He’d been onstage for 2 minutes. That was our security briefing. That’s all it took for Hof to persuade me and everybody in attendance that ice was a mirror and we may change the world by leaping in.
Almost instantly, everybody poured out of the convention corridor into Luna Park.
Surrounded by ferris wheels, fairy floss and the faint aroma of popcorn, I used to be about to partake in my very first ice tub.
The ice tub cometh
Of all of the queues at Luna Park that day, the ice tub with Hof was by far the longest.
The irony did not escape me. It had the identical power as ready for a curler coaster. That obscure feeling of worry. A collective, vibrant pleasure. An extended-ass look ahead to an especially non permanent expertise. Caked in sunscreen in my little swim shorts, I baked within the sizzling Australian solar, inching nearer to Hof and various makeshift, inflatable swimming pools — full to the brim with chilly water and copious quantities of ice.
The largest shock was the gang itself. I anticipated a potent mixture of fitness-pilled Ice Bath Guys and barefoot hippies clad in canvas. What I bought was completely different. There had been ladies right here — a lot of girls. It may need been a 50-50 break up.
It was the longest queue within the park.
I bought to chatting. May, a private coach, grew to become a fan of Hof after watching movies on YouTube and cycled all the way down to Luna Park between consumer conferences to attempt an ice tub for the primary time. Another girl — middle-aged, cracking jokes the entire manner — was right here on a dare. This was a once-in-a-lifetime expertise for her and I believe many carried the identical vibe. Weirdly, the Ice Bath Guys largely stayed residence.
In reality, after making it to the entrance of the queue and giving Hof an enormous hug (everybody did — a part of the bundle, I assume), I seen that every one 10 individuals in my ice tub group represented a various cross part of the Australian inhabitants. Men, ladies, younger, outdated, completely different races and backgrounds. We all gave one another a fast look, the kind of eye contact you share if you’re about to embark on one thing completely silly.
And then, collectively, we climbed into the ice tub.
It was… chilly. Obviously. But a unique kind of chilly. The kind of chilly that makes your physique really feel prefer it’s on fucking hearth. Hof’s main space of experience helps his college students breathe, and, climbing into this ice tub, I instantly understood why. It was extremely onerous to inhale and exhale usually on this state. Instinctually, I assumed taking lengthy deep breaths would make it simpler for me to acclimatize, however it did not assist in any respect.
The solely factor that basically made issues extra bearable was respiratory out. I picked some extent within the horizon to gawk at and stared into the void, ready for the 2 minutes to finish, so I may clamber out of this frozen hellhole and reside the remainder of my regular life in peace.
But then, within the last 30 seconds, a fever dream. Hof grabs a microphone, or a megaphone. Maybe it was the uncooked energy of his personal voice pushed to its limits. He started chanting, screaming at full blast like a call-and-response preacher:
“WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?”
Everyone, in unison:
“OOH OOH OOH OOH!”
“WHO LET THE DOGS OUT?”
“OOH OOH OOH OOH!”
We chanted like males. Baha Men. And then it was throughout. We climbed out of the ice tub, wrapped ourselves in towels. I felt… OK? Relieved. Proud? Maybe. I discovered myself laughing. This was hysterical. Every single a part of this was hysterical. For now, the curler coaster was over.
The King of Ice
History is suffering from examples of human beings forcing themselves via unimaginable, torturous rituals. In Papua New Guinea, males minimize elaborate elongated patterns into their again, chest and buttocks to indicate their coming of age. Some tribes, together with Indigenous tribes right here in Australia, practiced unspeakably brutal circumcisions. Many of those traditions had been designed to ingrain an intense bond of belief in members of the tribe. If they may bear the ache of fingernail removing or tattoos or penis mutilation, they might be trusted with the secrets and techniques of the clan.
Maybe ice baths are an especially tame model of that very same impulse. That, or a warped mixture of junk science, placebo results and poisonous masculinity.
I’ve two sons, ages 10 and seven. During my 12 months of chilly showers, each thought it was humorous to additionally take chilly showers, to see who may keep within the longest, making an attempt to outdo one another. My 7-year-old as soon as stayed in for quarter-hour and — hilariously — began calling himself “The King of Ice.”
Being bullied by my children. Like at all times.
But once I bought residence that night time, it was my 10-year-old who was most excited once I advised him concerning the ice baths. He wished to see if he may final two minutes like I did. That weekend, temps in Sydney hit 100 levels Fahrenheit. Driving residence from a buddy’s birthday celebration with my son, I ended to get petrol and had a sudden mind wave.
“Should we purchase some baggage of ice and make an ice tub at residence?”
My son’s eyes lit up. It was on.
We bought residence and made a makeshift plunge pool in our bathtub and took turns getting in, screaming and guffawing hysterically. It wasn’t as chilly because the Hof tub, however it was nonetheless bloody freezing. A healthful, innocent kind of torture that (I believe) breeds a little bit of resilience in children. He climbed into the chilly tub and sat there for 2 minutes despite the fact that it was extremely troublesome. He nonetheless, nonetheless, refuses to eat broccoli.
But I did ask myself: Why are we doing this? Why am I kind of encouraging it? A fast “are ice baths okay for teenagers” search on Google allayed preliminary fears, however bigger questions started to hang-out me. Am I breeding the subsequent technology of Guys? A brand new wave of boys participating in pointless (typically painful) actions to fill a gaping black void of validation?
My youthful child — the so-called King of Ice — was on the outlets with my spouse. I known as them on Facetime and advised them concerning the ice tub. My spouse agreed to seize a number of extra baggage of ice on the way in which residence so we may put son No. 2 via the brand new household ritual.
“Alright,” I advised my 7-year-old on the cellphone. “Let’s see who the actual King of Ice is.”
He was fired up.
But later, when he bought residence, he appeared much less enthusiastic. He dipped his finger in cautiously, making an attempt to get a way of what he is likely to be in for. He was extraordinarily reluctant.
“You go first, Dad,” he mentioned.
“I’ve already gone in,” I replied.
“If you go in, Dad, I’ll go in. Pinky promise.”
I felt as if I had no selection. I needed to lead by instance. To show that you can (and typically ought to) do troublesome issues. We pinky swore on it. Then, like an entire fool, I went again into the tub.
This time spherical it was chilly. Properly chilly. Easily as chilly because the ice tub at Luna Park. My limbs seized up; each ligament and bone ached. I made noises, ungodly noises. I used to be in hell. My son, cackling like an unhinged Demogorgon, discovered this extraordinarily humorous.
Finally, my two minutes had been up. I clumsily scrambled out of the tub, nonetheless in bodily ache.
“Your flip,” I mentioned, my physique nonetheless shivering.
“Nah,” he replied. “I do not wish to.
He left the lavatory and fired up Roblox on his Nintendo Switch.
“What do you imply?” I cried, chasing after him, a crumpled, damaged outdated man.
“I’m good,” he mentioned lastly. This boy wanted no validation. He had no void to fill.
“You might be the King of Ice.”