It ought to be a time for celebration, however typically our birthday triggers tough emotions. Here, we discover how to deal with the annual occasion
For most individuals, birthdays are a enjoyable and comfortable time to rejoice with family and friends. After all, they solely occur every year. However, birthdays can typically be accompanied by emotions of disinterest, melancholy, and disappointment on, or within the days resulting in, your birthday – AKA the birthday blues.
But, why does this occur? “The expectation to feel joy and celebrate when we don’t feel like it or may not have good reason to, can be part of the issue,” says counsellor James Eve. “‘I should feel happy or elated,’ makes no allowances for what you actually feel. We can recognise that even occasions that are a cause for celebration can contain within them moments of sadness or grief.”
However, there are a selection of methods you’ll be able to utilise, and methods which you can alleviate these blue emotions…
1. Manage your expectations
Unfulfilled expectations can go away us feeling upset. Perhaps you could have needed to purchase a home or change careers by the point you reached a sure age, however that didn’t occur.
“The beautiful thing about expectations is that they can always be changed or managed,” James explains. “If you didn’t achieve X, then perhaps change it to Y, or break down X into more manageable chunks. Did you want to climb Mount Everest? Perhaps start with Ben Nevis.”
2. Embrace ageing
While society usually tells us to concern it, ageing is a totally pure course of. In truth, in accordance with analysis revealed within the Journal of Clinical Psychology, the older you get, the happier you grow to be.
“As we age, we also have a better understanding of what makes us tick, and can make more informed decisions,” James says. “With maturity, we may also have the opportunity to be more fully ourselves, to drop any pretenses, or stop trying to fit in, which can be liberating and something not easily obtained from our youth.”
3. Gratitude perspective
It’s frequent human nature to focus extra on the negativities surrounding your life. Perhaps you simply misplaced your job, or broke up together with your associate, and you could really feel that there’s nothing price being grateful for in your birthday. Actively specializing in what brings you pleasure and reflecting on the positives can assist with such emotions.
James highlights how one can incorporate this into your day-to-day life: “Try a daily practice of 15 minutes. Focus on what you are grateful for; reflect on people, places, or objects that bring you joy. If this feels difficult, keep going with it. We have to work the muscle for it to be stronger.”
4. Decide what your model of ‘celebration’ is
During birthdays, it’s acceptable so that you can be egocentric. By figuring out your needs, you’ll be able to resolve whether or not an extravagant celebration, a small household dinner, a solo day on the seashore, or not celebrating in any respect, is what works for you.
“You should not feel pressured to please others with what you do,” James emphasises. “Celebrating means different things to different people.”
5. Plan the way in which you need, however don’t over plan
Taking time to consider what you need to do, and planning for it, will be useful.
Some of those fundamental questions is usually a good spot to start out: are you going to be inviting your mates, and if that’s the case, which of them? Will your loved ones be there? Will the celebration be within the morning or night? How a lot discover is sufficient?
Too many plans may also be tense, and put undue strain in your birthday. If you end up getting wired, strive one thing extra easy.
6. To absent associates, and new ones
With life shifting ahead, you would possibly discover that a few of your mates have moved away, or your friendship drifted. You may additionally end up alone in your birthday for various causes. Such conditions, whereas utterly regular, can go away you feeling lonely or unhappy.
“This may be a great opportunity to increase your social circle and meet new people. You can try organising work drinks or joining a club,” James says. Celebrating your birthday alone can be utterly OK, and there are numerous methods you may make at the present time really feel particular. You may give your self a present, a makeover, or volunteer for a trigger that issues to you.
7. There’s at all times subsequent 12 months
Sometimes, there are particular issues which can have occurred, just like the loss of life of a liked one, or the absence of associates, which can imply that experiencing happiness on at the present time is tough.
“We have good years and bad years, and birthdays can be the same,” James says. “If you feel sad or depressed, don’t suffer alone – share your feelings with friends, family or a therapist. And if a birthday doesn’t go as planned for whatever reason, remember there’s always next year.”
If you might be fighting emotions of loneliness, go to the Counselling Directory or communicate to a certified counsellor.