12 Key Signs Your Child’s Grandparent Is a Narcissist

Grandparents could be fantastic position fashions, serving to youngsters obtain tutorial and private success whereas offering emotional help and recommendation. And there is no denying that having an additional set of fingers round is invaluable whenever you’re elevating a toddler. However, not all parent-grandparent relationships are with out challenges, particularly when your kid’s grandparent displays narcissistic traits.

“These grandparents typically deeply care about how they current and seem to the world and can enlist important management methods to take care of their want for presentation,” explains Amber Claudon, LICSA, CEDS-s, a licensed unbiased medical social employee and Vice President of Clinical Training at Lightfully Behavioral Health.

Identifying a narcissistic grandparent could be tough as a result of, as Claudon factors out, their conduct is commonly rigorously curated to seem loving and supportive. However, sure purple flags can assist dad and mom acknowledge when they might be coping with a narcissistic grandparent.

Here are some key indicators to look out for—together with ideas for navigating these tough moments.

Signs Your Child’s Grandparent Is a Narcissist

It’s regular for fogeys to conflict with their very own dad and mom or in-laws in the case of differing opinions on learn how to care for a kid. However, sure behaviors would possibly sign that your kid’s grandparent is exhibiting narcissistic traits—and even has narcissistic persona dysfunction (NPD). According to Claudon, listed below are key indicators to search for:

• Inability to type real connections: Narcissistic grandparent typically search fixed validation, making their connections really feel shallow or transactional.
• Lack of empathy: They could battle to point out true understanding or concern for others’ emotions.
• Demanding respect or compliance: They could count on grandchildren to respect them with out having a relationship to again up such calls for.
• Undermining your parenting authority: A narcissistic grandparent could dismiss your position as a guardian to attempt to assert their very own authority over your little one.
• Challenging your steerage: They could actively resist or derail your makes an attempt to information and help your little one.
• Favoritism: Narcissistic grandparents could create divisions between siblings or play favorites to control conditions.
• Challenging your values: They could try to query or undermine the construction and values of your loved ones.
• Transactional conduct: They would possibly use cash, items, or holidays to manage or manipulate conditions.
• Creating division in your relationship: If you are in a partnership, they could attempt to create stress between you and your associate.

Dan Peters, PhD, host of “The Parent Footprint with Dr. Dan,” additionally advises dad and mom be cautious of grandparents who:

• Needs to be the focal point: They would possibly dominate conversations or at all times count on the highlight.
• Lacks boundaries: Narcissistic grandparents typically do not acknowledge or respect the boundaries of others.
• Exhibits “narcissistic rage”: If you problem them or do not give them the eye they demand, they could resort to bullying or aggressive conduct.

The Difference Between Narcissistic Traits and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD)

It’s essential to differentiate between narcissistic traits and narcissistic persona dysfunction (NPD) when contemplating your guardian or in-law’s conduct.

“We all have narcissistic elements to our persona that assist construct vanity and self-worth,” explains Jeanette Raymond, PhD, a licensed medical psychologist and relationship professional in Los Angeles. “The distinction with NPD is that the particular person has a persistent manner of continually feeling wounded, wronged, and victimized and might’t tolerate your success when set alongside theirs.”

According to Dr. Raymond, these with NPD take this to such an excessive that they’re nearly at all times upset, they usually battle to maintain relationships that require mutual give and take. They really feel entitled to particular therapy and expertise little to no disgrace about it.

Why You Need to Know If You’re Dealing With a Narcissistic Grandparent

“Grandchildren usually love and adore grandparents due to the position they play of their lives,” factors out Claudon. Children get to have interaction in enjoyable actions, obtain particular treats, and expertise a novel sense of affection and acceptance.

However, as a result of kids typically method their relationships with grandparents with open, accepting, and naïve hearts, they’ll simply turn out to be the goal of hurtful conduct and emotional manipulation from a narcissistic grandparent. Claudon explains that this vulnerability makes it all of the extra essential to acknowledge narcissistic traits in grandparent’s conduct.

Dr. Peters agrees, including, “Narcissistic grandparents are dangerous to each dad and mom and grandchildren resulting from their want to manage conditions and their verbally abusive and divisive conduct after they really feel threatened or challenged—by both guardian or little one.”

For this purpose, it is important to determine these behaviors early on and perceive that they don’t seem to be private assaults on you or your little one. Such conduct is neither acceptable nor one thing your little one ought to be uncovered to with out boundaries in place.

What to Do When You Suspect Your Child’s Grandparent Is a Narcissist

If you are involved that your guardian or in-law is likely to be a narcissist, think about making these expert-backed strikes.

Discuss boundaries

“Talk to kids about boundaries and allow them to observe implementing boundaries that really feel OK to them,” suggests Cauldon. “This could also be one thing so simple as, ‘I don’t need to go to my pal’s home at present.’ Or ‘I do need to go to the park.’

You can then reinforce these boundaries by encouraging your little one to face agency of their choices and validating their emotions about what feels acceptable—and what doesn’t. This helps your little one develop confidence in asserting their wants and sustaining boundaries with others, together with grandparents.

As their guardian, it is important to set clear limits with out participating in an influence battle, which hardly ever ends nicely, says Dr. Peters. “It is important for fogeys to be assertive and maintain their boundaries, whereas instructing and modeling for his or her youngsters to do the identical,” he notes. “Our youngsters are at all times watching how we act and it is very important present them learn how to cope with poisonous relations in a manner that reveals respect for oneself.”

Demonstrate unconditional love

“Coupled with boundaries, we need to exhibit unconditional love and optimistic regard for the kid to show about safe attachment,” advises Cauldon. “Secure attachment presents a toddler a ‘dwelling base’ to return to as a result of they perceive {that a} guardian’s love is unconditional which supplies them permission to say themselves and take developmental dangers aside from the guardian.”

Model wholesome relationship dynamics

Whether along with your associate, pal, or your kid’s aunt or uncle, Cauldon suggests exhibiting your little one what a wholesome relationship seems to be like by exhibiting:

• Healthy communication
• Unconditional optimistic regard
• Reciprocity
• Empathic interactions

“Allowing a toddler to witness some of these relationships and interactions will assist construct a counter-perspective to the issues they might witness with their grandparents,” says Cauldon.

Set boundaries round your kid’s interactions with the grandparent

“Parents can try to search out parameters which might be efficient and extra manageable,” says Cauldon. This would possibly appear to be assembly up at a favourite restaurant. Being in public permits for higher management of the interplay and ensures a definitive finish level.

Know when to stroll away

When a narcissistic grandparent’s conduct is extreme, a restricted or no-contact scenario could also be required, says Cauldon. “This can be a mandatory step if there was important emotional abuse from the grandparent to the grandchild,” she factors out.

In these instances, you may additionally need to pursue skilled help for each your self and your little one to course of your experiences and observe setting wholesome boundaries.

The backside line, based on Dr. Peters: “It just isn’t OK to be verbally and emotionally abused, neither is it OK to your little one to expertise the identical—by anybody.”